The Secret to Making Crack Decisions
Should she take a shower? Go to the concert? Stare at the dog? How one woman learned how to make up her mind.
By Bonnie Friedman
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the May 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
I used to be unable to decide anything. I brooded and agonized, terrified of making a mistake. Should I meet my parents at three o'clock to go clothes shopping, or should I stay home and work? If I stay home, I'll probably be tired by afternoon and won't get much work done anyway. Still, isn't that better than accomplishing no work? But do I see my mother and father enough? I won't have them forever, and it's always sweet to see them.
And so it went.
Then one morning, I was sitting at my kitchen table in Salem, Massachusetts. I was 32 years old, and I couldn't decide whether or not to eat a slice of whole wheat toast. I was hungry, but I'd already eaten two slices. I'd feel disgusted with myself if I ate a third. Yet if I didn't, I'd continue to feel hungry and light-headed, unable to focus on my work. I stared at some sharp, glinting crumbs on the peach cotton tablecloth. And then it occurred to me: two ways wrong! Either course I took, I'd make a mistake—the verdict preexisted the action. I laughed.
I was so used to self-recrimination that I infused my environment with it. Apology poured from my lips. I often walked hunched over with regret. As a child, I believed I cost my parents too much—nursery school was exorbitant, a winter coat represented several days of my father's labor. (He was the plant manager for a factory.) I gnawed my thumb as my mother counted out the dollars in Alexander's department store, and some obscure worry worked away in me the next day as I sat in my oak seat at P.S. 24. The anxiety was a tapeworm that coiled inside me and that somehow connected me to my mother. As long as I worried, we were linked.
My mother used to sit in our Bronx kitchen listlessly turning the pages of McCall's. She looked abstracted, lost in memory and unable to find the door out. She was, in fact, depressed.
I'd sit at her feet with my alphabet blocks. I wasn't interacting with her—she was troubled and remote—and I feared that if I played so intently that I forgot about my mother, she might vanish. I yearned to hold on to her bony ankle. I inhaled as hard as I could her scent of stale Arpège and wool. Together, she and I floated in an irresolute space between lunch and dinner, talk and no talk, connection and separation. Since we'd begun nothing, nothing could end. How hopeless yet comforting it was.
I carried this mood with me into my adult life, with the result that I couldn't ever decide if I wanted to go one way or the other, and the aura of remorse seemed to be the truest thing about me.
Two ways wrong!
I asked everyone for advice—an assertive cabbie, an acquaintance from college who happened to phone, all sorts of experts who declared, "This Is What to Do." I always nodded, but as soon as I heard their counsel, the opposite point of view formulated itself in my mind.
Whatever direction I took ended in regret, I now saw. So, of course, I mostly stayed in place.
And surely I wasn't the only person tangled up in Two Ways Wrong. I considered my friend George. The night before, he told me he'd been invited to participate in a panel of writers in San Francisco. The airfare was $400, which he would have to cover. He decided to go—it would make him feel like a real writer, he said. Yet he felt belittled by having to pay his own way, as if he were a desperate person who needed to scramble for professional recognition.
Two ways wrong! He hadn't even bought his ticket, and already he'd taken the recognition away from himself. It was the opposite of the Wizard of Oz, with his magical diploma. Some of us have an anti-Wizard inside us declaring that our very real diplomas and certificates are all humbug. "Either way is wrong!" declares the anti-Wizard.
The solution, I realized, is to choose success. Fly off to sit on a dais, or stay at home $400 richer—both are success. Enjoy the toast, or skip it and feel skinny. Success isn't objectively verifiable like the height of the Empire State Building or the location of Missouri. It's a matter of attitude, of interpretation.
Some people tend to notice what's right in what they do. The rest of us must cultivate this trait.
The sense of being correct or incorrect resides in each of us. We project our verdict onto the world. I am essentially right, I told myself. A big mistake wasn't made when I was placed here on this planet. I am filled with more kindness than greed, more good thinking than stupidity.
That morning in my kitchen, I got up from the table and slung another slice of bread into the toaster, and when it popped up, I buttered it and munched away. I licked my lips. I decided to feel satisfied. And I was.
Bonnie Friedman is the author of The Thief of Happiness: The Story of an Extraordinary Psychotherapy (Beacon Press).
MY THOUGHTS
The issue is not about indecision.It's about being afraid to make a wrong decision. I think the best decision makers are those who made lots of mistakes. They became good decision makers because they took note, they were mindful and they use the lessons the next time a choice or a 'fork down the road' comes along.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
ARE YOUR "REWARDS" APPRECIATED BY YOUR EMPLOYEES?
Your “Rewards” Aren’t Appreciated By Your Employees
By Suzanne Lucas | May 20, 2011
This post is for managers. Individual contributors already know this information, but for some reason, as soon as people are promoted (or laterally transfer) into a management job, they forget this information. So, here is a reminder:
A pen with the company name on it is not a bonus. It does not make your employee feel fondly about your company or your management skills. It is a pen. You are supposed to provide pens as part of the standard office supplies. Put the company logo on them if you want. Give pens away to customers so they’ll have your phone number handy. But, your employees already know the phone number and just want to be able to write with a reliable instrument.
A supply of coffee mugs in the break room is handy, but they are not a reward. Your employees will drink coffee or water or Diet Coke regardless of whether the mugs have your company name scrawled across the front. They might think the mugs are cute, but they will not consider them a reward.
The reason why that clothing store offered you $50 gift certificates for $25 each is that they know that almost none of your employees will redeem them. This should be a hint that it is a bad reward. Rewards should be, well, rewarding. And trying to convince your employees that they are being rewarded with the ability to get a new pair of pants from a store they don’t like is not a real reward.
Rewards for “everyone” that only benefit a few. Lunch is a great thing to provide from time to time, unless you always do it when you’re in the office even though a good portion of your employees work other shifts. This causes resentment amongst the unblessed masses.
Mandatory Celebratory Dinners are not appreciated. When everyone has been working nights and weekends to get that big account, don’t make the celebration something that requires everyone to spend yet another evening with people from the office.
I feel so much better now. I could come up with a longer list of rewards that aren’t appreciated, but I’m afraid some managers would just tune me out. In fact, I’m sure that right now, there is someone sitting in a corner office going, “She’s wrong. My employees loved the Christmas bonus mugs! They told me so themselves.”
Well, duh. You’re the boss, so they aren’t going to say, “Boy, this is what you got us? Mugs with the dumb logo that you had your 3rd ex-wife design? Seriously? Jerk.” No, they talk about that amongst themselves. Keep in mind what employees really want.
Verbal and written praise. This is even cheaper than the pens. Tell your employees that they are doing a good job, and give specific examples. A 2007 employee survey said that this was the top non-monetary reward desired by employees. Taking the time to pull someone aside and say, “Thanks for your work on the Jones account. You really blew me out of the water,” is a reward that is appreciated. Publicly saying that at staff meeting is even better. However, a patronizing, “good job” on everything your employee does is not a reward.
Money. I’m talking real money here, not the gift certificate kind. Employees want raises and bonuses. If the business honestly cannot afford either one (and before you nod your head to that, check your own bonus check) then see above or below. Otherwise, get out the checkbook. Remember it would cost you more to replace good people than it would to give them raises and bonuses.
Time off. If everyone busted their buns to get a big project done, hand out an extra vacation day to be used at their leisure–and then make sure you don’t pressure your employees not to use the time off. Or close shop on a Friday afternoon. This shows that you recognize they put in extra hours to get the work done. Your employees want the company to succeed. Show them that you recognize that their work does just that. (And if you close shop Friday afternoon, make sure this is considered paid vacation time, not just go home early time. Your non-exempt employees who get a smaller paycheck will not consider this a reward.)
Flex time and telecommuting. If your employees are good performers, let them have control over when and where they do their work. Yes, some jobs must be done in the office, and some jobs must be done on a specific schedule. Some, but not all. If your employees express interest in these types of schedules, give it some serious consideration and grant it where possible. Independence is a great reward.
Employee rewards should be something they actually want. Don’t let the so called “employee rewards” catalogs convince you that your employees will be happy with a clock. Give them what they really want.
MY THOUGHTS
Come to think of it, since rewards should be what employees want, why not ask them? Of course, there's an issue of budget and other limitations. If we spell these out before we ask them,I doubt there will be a real problem.
Personally, I like the time-off idea and the flex time and telecommuting. I've used time-off before for my staff and I can say they loved it. And yes, I don't hate those shirts and pens and mugs. But they are give always, tokens-not rewards.
By Suzanne Lucas | May 20, 2011
This post is for managers. Individual contributors already know this information, but for some reason, as soon as people are promoted (or laterally transfer) into a management job, they forget this information. So, here is a reminder:
A pen with the company name on it is not a bonus. It does not make your employee feel fondly about your company or your management skills. It is a pen. You are supposed to provide pens as part of the standard office supplies. Put the company logo on them if you want. Give pens away to customers so they’ll have your phone number handy. But, your employees already know the phone number and just want to be able to write with a reliable instrument.
A supply of coffee mugs in the break room is handy, but they are not a reward. Your employees will drink coffee or water or Diet Coke regardless of whether the mugs have your company name scrawled across the front. They might think the mugs are cute, but they will not consider them a reward.
The reason why that clothing store offered you $50 gift certificates for $25 each is that they know that almost none of your employees will redeem them. This should be a hint that it is a bad reward. Rewards should be, well, rewarding. And trying to convince your employees that they are being rewarded with the ability to get a new pair of pants from a store they don’t like is not a real reward.
Rewards for “everyone” that only benefit a few. Lunch is a great thing to provide from time to time, unless you always do it when you’re in the office even though a good portion of your employees work other shifts. This causes resentment amongst the unblessed masses.
Mandatory Celebratory Dinners are not appreciated. When everyone has been working nights and weekends to get that big account, don’t make the celebration something that requires everyone to spend yet another evening with people from the office.
I feel so much better now. I could come up with a longer list of rewards that aren’t appreciated, but I’m afraid some managers would just tune me out. In fact, I’m sure that right now, there is someone sitting in a corner office going, “She’s wrong. My employees loved the Christmas bonus mugs! They told me so themselves.”
Well, duh. You’re the boss, so they aren’t going to say, “Boy, this is what you got us? Mugs with the dumb logo that you had your 3rd ex-wife design? Seriously? Jerk.” No, they talk about that amongst themselves. Keep in mind what employees really want.
Verbal and written praise. This is even cheaper than the pens. Tell your employees that they are doing a good job, and give specific examples. A 2007 employee survey said that this was the top non-monetary reward desired by employees. Taking the time to pull someone aside and say, “Thanks for your work on the Jones account. You really blew me out of the water,” is a reward that is appreciated. Publicly saying that at staff meeting is even better. However, a patronizing, “good job” on everything your employee does is not a reward.
Money. I’m talking real money here, not the gift certificate kind. Employees want raises and bonuses. If the business honestly cannot afford either one (and before you nod your head to that, check your own bonus check) then see above or below. Otherwise, get out the checkbook. Remember it would cost you more to replace good people than it would to give them raises and bonuses.
Time off. If everyone busted their buns to get a big project done, hand out an extra vacation day to be used at their leisure–and then make sure you don’t pressure your employees not to use the time off. Or close shop on a Friday afternoon. This shows that you recognize they put in extra hours to get the work done. Your employees want the company to succeed. Show them that you recognize that their work does just that. (And if you close shop Friday afternoon, make sure this is considered paid vacation time, not just go home early time. Your non-exempt employees who get a smaller paycheck will not consider this a reward.)
Flex time and telecommuting. If your employees are good performers, let them have control over when and where they do their work. Yes, some jobs must be done in the office, and some jobs must be done on a specific schedule. Some, but not all. If your employees express interest in these types of schedules, give it some serious consideration and grant it where possible. Independence is a great reward.
Employee rewards should be something they actually want. Don’t let the so called “employee rewards” catalogs convince you that your employees will be happy with a clock. Give them what they really want.
MY THOUGHTS
Come to think of it, since rewards should be what employees want, why not ask them? Of course, there's an issue of budget and other limitations. If we spell these out before we ask them,I doubt there will be a real problem.
Personally, I like the time-off idea and the flex time and telecommuting. I've used time-off before for my staff and I can say they loved it. And yes, I don't hate those shirts and pens and mugs. But they are give always, tokens-not rewards.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
THE #1 LEADERSHIP PROBLEM
The #1 Leadership Problem
By Margaret Heffernan | January 27, 2011
When I meet with CEOs, I like to find out what keeps them awake at night, what intractable issues or opportunities disturb their sense of confidence. Of course, each one has industry-specific or company-specific challenges and they’re fascinating.
But there’s one problem common to each one of them. They all know it. Only a brave few will talk about it openly: Ignorance.
It doesn’t matter whether the company is large or small, old or young, high tech or blue collar manufacturing. The reality is that no leader is fully informed of what is happening on his or her watch.
Ignorance Isn’t Bliss
Of course in theory, this shouldn’t happen. The chain of command should ensure that information reaches the top. Daily reports should flag critical issues. Balance sheets should indicate significant trends. And they all do - up to a point. The problem is that none of them works quite well enough.
That’s why BP can run unsafe plants and still be taken by surprise when they blow up.
It’s why music labels could be blind-sided by the rise of digital downloads.
It’s why soft drink companies were surprised by the popularity of vitamin drinks.
It’s why Lehman Brothers and Enron and Citibank and Merrill Lynch had no idea actually how much money they had.
It’s why companies are so anxious about what Wikileaks will publish next.
It Can Happen to You
The most tempting thing in the world is to look at that string of business disasters and argue: that was them, not me. It couldn’t happen here. They were just bad leaders, a few bad apples. But the minute you say you don’t have this problem is the minute you know you do.
The problem is willful blindness: the human propensity to ignore the obvious. It isn’t just a business problem, of course. We do it in our private lives when we leave those credit card bills unopened or take on a mortgage we can’t afford or insist that tanning salons really won’t cause us any harm.
There are numerous social, structural, organizational and neurological reasons for willful blindness and I’ll be blogging about them over the next few weeks. But in the meantime I’d like to hear from you:in your company or department or industry, where are your blindspots?
MY THOUGHTS
Willful blindness! A perfect way to run away, right? Sometimes, ignorance can be bliss. Or playing ignorant. It can keep you out of trouble. At least for a while.
By Margaret Heffernan | January 27, 2011
When I meet with CEOs, I like to find out what keeps them awake at night, what intractable issues or opportunities disturb their sense of confidence. Of course, each one has industry-specific or company-specific challenges and they’re fascinating.
But there’s one problem common to each one of them. They all know it. Only a brave few will talk about it openly: Ignorance.
It doesn’t matter whether the company is large or small, old or young, high tech or blue collar manufacturing. The reality is that no leader is fully informed of what is happening on his or her watch.
Ignorance Isn’t Bliss
Of course in theory, this shouldn’t happen. The chain of command should ensure that information reaches the top. Daily reports should flag critical issues. Balance sheets should indicate significant trends. And they all do - up to a point. The problem is that none of them works quite well enough.
That’s why BP can run unsafe plants and still be taken by surprise when they blow up.
It’s why music labels could be blind-sided by the rise of digital downloads.
It’s why soft drink companies were surprised by the popularity of vitamin drinks.
It’s why Lehman Brothers and Enron and Citibank and Merrill Lynch had no idea actually how much money they had.
It’s why companies are so anxious about what Wikileaks will publish next.
It Can Happen to You
The most tempting thing in the world is to look at that string of business disasters and argue: that was them, not me. It couldn’t happen here. They were just bad leaders, a few bad apples. But the minute you say you don’t have this problem is the minute you know you do.
The problem is willful blindness: the human propensity to ignore the obvious. It isn’t just a business problem, of course. We do it in our private lives when we leave those credit card bills unopened or take on a mortgage we can’t afford or insist that tanning salons really won’t cause us any harm.
There are numerous social, structural, organizational and neurological reasons for willful blindness and I’ll be blogging about them over the next few weeks. But in the meantime I’d like to hear from you:in your company or department or industry, where are your blindspots?
MY THOUGHTS
Willful blindness! A perfect way to run away, right? Sometimes, ignorance can be bliss. Or playing ignorant. It can keep you out of trouble. At least for a while.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
EXCUSES FOR NOT COACHING
“I Don’t Have Time” and Other Excuses Managers Give for Not Coaching
By John Baldoni | May 12, 2011
These days you would be hard pressed to find a leader who does not know that a large part of his job is to coach his employees. Nor is it hard to find evidence that the companies with the strongest leadership cultures are those that develop people at every level.
And yet you don’t have to look too far to find managers who ignore this vital part of their job description. Why? The culture in which they work may not insist on it, and many managers also find the idea uncomfortable. The idea of talking one on one to an employee about how she is doing and what she could be doing better makes them uneasy. So they develop rationales for not coaching.
Here are the most common excuses I’ve heard, and my rebuttal to them.
1. “I don’t like getting personal with my employees.”
Reality: Coaching is a conversation. It focuses on how an employee is performing in the workplace. It need not get into an employee’s personal life. The focus should be on what is happening on the workplace.
2. “I am a manager, not a therapist.”
Reality: Coaching is not therapy. Behavioral issues that affect performance are a manager’s concern but it is not your role to solve them. You should coordinate with human resources to find a licensed therapist or executive coach to provide assistance. But if the behavior is affecting other employees, you have an obligation to intervene and ensure the safety and welfare of direct reports.
3. “I don’t have time for it.”
Reality: Your job is to make sure the right things get done on time and on budget. How will that occur if don’t make the time to find and develop the right people for the jobs?
4. “I don’t like to dwell on the negatives.“
Reality: Whenever I hear this excuse, I ask, “How long can you afford to carry a person who is not doing the job? ” Subpar performers are a drain on time as well as resources–and the entire team.
5. “I don’t want my people feeling too secure about their jobs.”
Reality: Exit interview surveys reveal that employees often leave their jobs because they have the impression–often mistaken–that they are undervalued. As long as compensation needs are met, your staff is working for recognition. Coaching is one way to show it.
It’s important for organizations to address the reasons people give for not coaching. Only when the company treats coaching as a priority will it create a culture in which coaching is not something managers ought to do–but something they do.
What reasons have you given–or heard others give–for not coaching at your company?
MY THOUGHTS
I'd such a lot of supervisors and managers do not know how to coach. That's why they are making all these excuses. And it requires extra effort.
By John Baldoni | May 12, 2011
These days you would be hard pressed to find a leader who does not know that a large part of his job is to coach his employees. Nor is it hard to find evidence that the companies with the strongest leadership cultures are those that develop people at every level.
And yet you don’t have to look too far to find managers who ignore this vital part of their job description. Why? The culture in which they work may not insist on it, and many managers also find the idea uncomfortable. The idea of talking one on one to an employee about how she is doing and what she could be doing better makes them uneasy. So they develop rationales for not coaching.
Here are the most common excuses I’ve heard, and my rebuttal to them.
1. “I don’t like getting personal with my employees.”
Reality: Coaching is a conversation. It focuses on how an employee is performing in the workplace. It need not get into an employee’s personal life. The focus should be on what is happening on the workplace.
2. “I am a manager, not a therapist.”
Reality: Coaching is not therapy. Behavioral issues that affect performance are a manager’s concern but it is not your role to solve them. You should coordinate with human resources to find a licensed therapist or executive coach to provide assistance. But if the behavior is affecting other employees, you have an obligation to intervene and ensure the safety and welfare of direct reports.
3. “I don’t have time for it.”
Reality: Your job is to make sure the right things get done on time and on budget. How will that occur if don’t make the time to find and develop the right people for the jobs?
4. “I don’t like to dwell on the negatives.“
Reality: Whenever I hear this excuse, I ask, “How long can you afford to carry a person who is not doing the job? ” Subpar performers are a drain on time as well as resources–and the entire team.
5. “I don’t want my people feeling too secure about their jobs.”
Reality: Exit interview surveys reveal that employees often leave their jobs because they have the impression–often mistaken–that they are undervalued. As long as compensation needs are met, your staff is working for recognition. Coaching is one way to show it.
It’s important for organizations to address the reasons people give for not coaching. Only when the company treats coaching as a priority will it create a culture in which coaching is not something managers ought to do–but something they do.
What reasons have you given–or heard others give–for not coaching at your company?
MY THOUGHTS
I'd such a lot of supervisors and managers do not know how to coach. That's why they are making all these excuses. And it requires extra effort.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
HOW NOT TO MANAGE YOUR BOSS
How to Manage Your Boss
By Steve Tobak | May 10, 2011
Every business site has articles about managing up or managing your boss, but they’re usually a bunch of lightweight tricks for manipulating weak-minded people. And while there are plenty of dysfunctional managers who might fall for that stuff, the vast majority are at least moderately savvy and capable.
In other words, not only do they not need to be managed, tricked, or manipulated, they’ll likely see right through your transparent games. More importantly, they won’t be very pleased with you.
So, if you want to screw up your chances of getting somewhere, by all means, play all the games and tricks you like. Come to think of it, you may get somewhere. Canned.
If, on the other hand, you want to learn how to really manage up, keep reading. You see, where I come from - the real management world - managing up means two things, as we discussed in 10 Things That Good Bosses Do:
Keep management off employee’s backs. Most people don’t get this, but the most important aspect of that is giving management what they need to do their jobs. That’s what keeps management happy … and away from you.
Take the heat and share the praise. It takes courage to take the heat and humility to share the praise. That comes naturally to great bosses; the rest of us have to pick it up as we go.
Now, if you want to avoid pissing off your boss and being perceived as a complete waste of cubicle space, benefits, and headcount, you’d better pay attention to these …
10 Ways Not to Manage Up
Try to manage his expectations. As an executive, nothing annoyed me more than knowing that an employee was trying to manage my expectations. All your manager wants is your genuine assessment of the situation: how much it’ll cost, how long it’ll take, the probability of success. He’ll take it from there.
BS or sugarcoat the truth. Same as the above.
Promise the impossible. Opposite problem as above, same result. If you make promises your management knows you can’t deliver on, it’ll destroy your credibility and that’ll be the end of your potential.
Tell him what you think he wants to hear. That may work for a time, but in the end, you’ll fail to deliver, the truth will come out, and the game will be over. Managing an organization or leading a company is a long-term deal; Band Aids and quick fixes don’t work.
Make everything about you. Business is about beating the competition, winning customers, and keeping them happy. Business is about business. If you take the drama queen route and try to make it about you, management will write you off as a PITA.
Make excuses. Nobody cares. Nobody wants to hear it. Whining is annoying and doesn’t age well. Don’t do it.
Try to get chummy. Sure, sharing a personal anecdote or two is fine; most managers enjoy getting to know their people. Just don’t overdo it by trying to “get in bed” with the boss. Nobody likes being manipulated.
Kiss her you-know-what. I don’t care what anybody says; good managers and executives do not want their butts kissed. They want people to do their jobs and help them do theirs. That’s pretty much it.
Waste her time. These days, everybody’s overloaded, everybody’s on 24×7, everybody gets too much information. Time is everybody’s most precious commodity. Don’t waste hers.
Say, “trust me.” “Trust me,” “believe me,” “listen to me,” here’s the problem with that. If your boss really does trust you, he’ll wonder why you keep saying that and probably stop trusting you. If he doesn’t trust you yet, you can’t compel him to. You have to build credibility over time. Either way, it’s bad.
Look, you might be able to manipulate a really dysfunctional boss with a giant-sized ego that’ll lap up any BS you shovel his way. But the vast majority of managers and executives are just trying to run a business or an organization; they’re not interested in playing games or being managed. Not even a little. So don’t do it.
MY THOUGHTS
What's sad is most people hate bosses who they don't need to manage because they are the bosses who know what they're doing. People don't like the 'real' managers because they can't mess up with them. They can't walk around bosses who mean business. And they can't hide behind office politics from bosses who can differentiate (without batting an eyelash) between lousy and excellent.
By Steve Tobak | May 10, 2011
Every business site has articles about managing up or managing your boss, but they’re usually a bunch of lightweight tricks for manipulating weak-minded people. And while there are plenty of dysfunctional managers who might fall for that stuff, the vast majority are at least moderately savvy and capable.
In other words, not only do they not need to be managed, tricked, or manipulated, they’ll likely see right through your transparent games. More importantly, they won’t be very pleased with you.
So, if you want to screw up your chances of getting somewhere, by all means, play all the games and tricks you like. Come to think of it, you may get somewhere. Canned.
If, on the other hand, you want to learn how to really manage up, keep reading. You see, where I come from - the real management world - managing up means two things, as we discussed in 10 Things That Good Bosses Do:
Keep management off employee’s backs. Most people don’t get this, but the most important aspect of that is giving management what they need to do their jobs. That’s what keeps management happy … and away from you.
Take the heat and share the praise. It takes courage to take the heat and humility to share the praise. That comes naturally to great bosses; the rest of us have to pick it up as we go.
Now, if you want to avoid pissing off your boss and being perceived as a complete waste of cubicle space, benefits, and headcount, you’d better pay attention to these …
10 Ways Not to Manage Up
Try to manage his expectations. As an executive, nothing annoyed me more than knowing that an employee was trying to manage my expectations. All your manager wants is your genuine assessment of the situation: how much it’ll cost, how long it’ll take, the probability of success. He’ll take it from there.
BS or sugarcoat the truth. Same as the above.
Promise the impossible. Opposite problem as above, same result. If you make promises your management knows you can’t deliver on, it’ll destroy your credibility and that’ll be the end of your potential.
Tell him what you think he wants to hear. That may work for a time, but in the end, you’ll fail to deliver, the truth will come out, and the game will be over. Managing an organization or leading a company is a long-term deal; Band Aids and quick fixes don’t work.
Make everything about you. Business is about beating the competition, winning customers, and keeping them happy. Business is about business. If you take the drama queen route and try to make it about you, management will write you off as a PITA.
Make excuses. Nobody cares. Nobody wants to hear it. Whining is annoying and doesn’t age well. Don’t do it.
Try to get chummy. Sure, sharing a personal anecdote or two is fine; most managers enjoy getting to know their people. Just don’t overdo it by trying to “get in bed” with the boss. Nobody likes being manipulated.
Kiss her you-know-what. I don’t care what anybody says; good managers and executives do not want their butts kissed. They want people to do their jobs and help them do theirs. That’s pretty much it.
Waste her time. These days, everybody’s overloaded, everybody’s on 24×7, everybody gets too much information. Time is everybody’s most precious commodity. Don’t waste hers.
Say, “trust me.” “Trust me,” “believe me,” “listen to me,” here’s the problem with that. If your boss really does trust you, he’ll wonder why you keep saying that and probably stop trusting you. If he doesn’t trust you yet, you can’t compel him to. You have to build credibility over time. Either way, it’s bad.
Look, you might be able to manipulate a really dysfunctional boss with a giant-sized ego that’ll lap up any BS you shovel his way. But the vast majority of managers and executives are just trying to run a business or an organization; they’re not interested in playing games or being managed. Not even a little. So don’t do it.
MY THOUGHTS
What's sad is most people hate bosses who they don't need to manage because they are the bosses who know what they're doing. People don't like the 'real' managers because they can't mess up with them. They can't walk around bosses who mean business. And they can't hide behind office politics from bosses who can differentiate (without batting an eyelash) between lousy and excellent.
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